MONDAY, 3/12/12, Issue 27
Privatize the sewers: Welcome to my world, where all things should be privatized. Recently the University of Norflaland here in Rio on the River has been helping struggling local institutions such as the MOCA Jacksonville and WJCT, the local NPR affiliate. The Dec. 27, 2011, Folio Weekly reported that the university is in talks with WJCT about establishing a partnership. This year all state support for public radio and television was zeroed out by Gov. Goldfinger. Michael Boylan, CEO of WJCT, has suggested broadcasting lectures, concerts, and maybe University of Norflaland sporting events as well as utilizing university professors as the basis of roundtable discussions.
Michael Boylan, he’s funny! Does he think anyone’s going to want to watch or listen to that stuff?
Still, I am all for privatizing WJCT. Students from the U of Norflaland already have started to help, as reflected in the most recent pledge drive: Yo! Dude! Pledge! What an improvement privatization has made!.
Of course, I am against the JTA because it is a form of public transportation, and I am for privatizing it. More importantly, I oppose the Skyway because it is something out of a Potemkin Village. To the unknowing, its presence on our city’s skyline makes Jaxonpool look like an interesting place.
So it is likely to make the city all the more appealing to outsiders, like certain undesirable types—the kind of people who might be tempted to move to a place based on its excellent transit system.. In the final analysis, public transit systems are just sewers for moving human waste around from one destination to another. And this one doesn’t even do that. Real people drive cars. And that is what Jaxonpool is made of, real people. Which is to say, Americans.
Americans. The ones who were born here. Who don’t ride bicycles. Or wear a helmet.
And I thought to myself, ‘This is rich!’ His girlfriend probably saw this mass transit line on a city map and assumed it was a useful and well-used part of Jaxonpool’s transportation infrastructure. Like something they would find in Europe. Wrong! . Perhaps, with the university partnership, the Skyway can be extended, running a line from downtown to the U of Norflaland and back. This would make it easier for students who flunk out of the U of Norflaland to resume their educations at the downtown campus of FSCJ. A direct line would allow the university to ship out the failing students. As standards rise, transporting them by the carload may become necessary.
To be exciting like Barcelona or Bilbao, Jaxonpool needs an architectural achievement. But only if it is private!
The Gateway Arch in St. Louis.
The Milwaukee Art Museum
The Space Needle in Seattle
The Transamerica Pyramid in San Francisco
Berkman Plaza II in Jaxonpool (designed by Frank Gehry)
The U of Norflaland also could help the City of Jaxonpool (to replenish its billion dollars-plus in under-funded pension liabilities), the JEA (to begin construction of a new nuclear plant), Tortilla Flats (to help them develop a more palatable burrito), and the Jaguars (to sign Andrew Luck).. Perhaps the university can come to the rescue of Food Lion, that venerable grocery chain.
Maybe the University of Norflaland can save the Mayport Ferry?
My next campaign will be to privatize all Public Service Announcements.
However, the real purpose, of course, behind my writing this letter to you now is that I feared you might forget about me.
August’s List: Recently published music videos, edited by Farinelli. Watch & listen
Smart Ass Cripple: Expressing pain through sarcasm since 2010, by Mike Ervin. Read
Panned Review: Film reviews by Jacob Lusk. Read
Calvin’s Story: Epilepsy & beyond: a mother’s journal, by Christy Shake. Read
Maggie World, Normalizing the abnormal, by Sally Coghlan McDonald. Read
On the Blink: Considering how my light is spent, by Emily Michael. Read