5/7/23, No. 107
Florida legislature renames state: The Florida legislature Friday renamed the state “DeSantisland.”
The vote broke down according to party lines in both the house and the senate. With the Republicans holding a supermajority in both chambers, the measure easily passed.
Calling the current governor “one of the finest men to ever walk the earth,” Speaker of the House Paul Renner (R-Flagler) said the legislature had no other option but to re-christen the state with the man’s name. Florida Senate Majority Leader Ben Albritton (R-Wauchula) concurred, stating that the governor has single-handedly transformed Florida into the premiere state of the revitalized Old South.
The move was opposed by Lauren Book (D-Broward), Senate minority leader, who called the governor a “snollygoster.” She then defined the term as, “A politician who is guided by personal advantage rather than by consistent, respectable principles.”
Lori Berman (D-Palm Beach) disagreed, saying the DeSantis would be more accurately described as a “snallygaster.” A check of the dictionary indicates that a snallygaster is “a mythical nocturnal creature that is reputed to be part reptile and part bird, and is said to prey on poultry and children.”
Clay Yarborough (R-Nassau/Duval) complained that the Democrats were “at it again, using big words no one understands.”
”We don’t want any woke language,” shouted Yarborough during the debate, “or anything else that makes us feel bad about ourselves.”
With the state’s name change, some wondered what would become the infamous moniker “Florida man.” Some speculated that most people would easily adapt, with any newly targeted individuals simply being labeled “DeSantisland Man.” Author Carl Hiaasen said he personally thought the designation “particularly apt,” adding that “DeSantis himself will be our first DeSantisland Man.” _______________ .