FRIDAY, 3/9/12, Issue 26
Emigrate to the off-world colony: Yesterday on First Coast Connect, Melissa Ross’s radio call-in program, Bill Brinton of Scenic Jaxonpool advocated getting rid of our city’s electronic billboards, the ones in which the messages change every eight seconds. Scenic Jaxonpool is suing Clear Channel, saying these signs violate a 1995 city ordinance.
Brinton obviously does not understand that after Civil War Terminus has destroyed most of the United States, these signs will be needed to encourage people to emigrate to the moon colony Newt Gingrich spoke about in one of the debates of The Only Party There Is. In fact, these signs he opposes won’t be enough. To get the word out, blimps of the type pictured here will be needed:
Without this electronic signage Brinton wants to eliminate, how are we to know about the opportunities available to us, such as the “andies” or servant androids given free to every emigrant? Large electric signs are eye catching, as this short clip demonstrates:
After Civil War Terminus, the moon colony will become an attractive alternative. In our post-civil-war-terminus nation, or, should I say, in our part of the new nation, the part in which the Petroleum Oligarchs probably will reign, things may become a little smoggy:
Brinton does not realize that information about the free andies for anyone who emigrates will not come through the Empathy Boxes that link simultaneous users into a collective consciousness. All we will ever see on our Empathy Boxes will be some variation of Wilbur Mercer walking endlessly up a mountain. Nor are Buster Friendly and his Friendly Friends likely to tell us about the opportunities available on the off-world colony, like having Angela Hardcorey for a governor. If you will recall, in an earlier letter to you (Feb. 2, 2012), I speculated about Hardcorey serving as the first governor of Gingrich’s fifty-first state, the one he said he would locate on the moon. I didn’t mention in the earlier letter that her name additionally had turned up as potentially being one of the six fugitive androids who have come to earth and are passing for humans.
“Ever seen this girl, huh?”
Deleónsylvania’s Governor Goldfinger insists that all state workers be tested, and word has been going around that she failed the Voigt-Kampff, the empathy test that distinguishes humans from androids by measuring empathetic responses, or lack thereof, from questions designed to evoke an emotional response. Questions concerning twelve-year-old Hispanic boys—whose mothers are children themselves and whose fathers committed suicide in front of them—failed to elicit any empathetic response whatsoever.
In the Voigt-Kampff empathy test, image and back story elicited no response whatsoever in Hardcorey.
So now she may have to take a follow-up, the Boneli Test, which measures the reflex-arc velocity in the spinal column’s upper ganglia. The only way to be sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that an individual is a human and not an android is to take a bone marrow sample.
Her critics—the liberal maggots—have been leveling ad hominem attacks, saying she is an earlier version of android technology, and so she should be easier to detect without so much taxpayer money having to be spent on testing. Such thinking makes the liberals happy. However, Jonathan Swift’s observation applies here when says that happiness “is a perpetual possession of being well deceived.” Hardcorey’s conservative supporters, who are in no way deceived, insist she comes from the later line of improved technology, the Nexus-6 brain models, and that is why she has been so effective as a prosecutor. Of course, therein lies the problem and the necessity of spending more taxpayer money: the Nexus-6 are the hardest to detect.
As for myself, I have no problem with her status. I believe in diversity. I may not tolerate gay marriage, Muslims, Mexicans, the French, but I do accept androids. By the way, I also do not tolerate young women who use the pill. Last week Mitt Romney told reporters, “The idea of presidential candidates getting into questions about contraception within a relationship between a man and a woman, husband and wife, I’m not going there.” What a namby-pamby answer!
A pill that is like no other
Moreover, because I accept androids as an expression of diversity, I myself look forward to emigrating to the off-world colony, where I will will be surrounded by them. And I look forward to having Angela Hardcorey serve there as my android governor. In the off-world colony, she can continue to function as the tough public servant she initially was programmed to be.
I do believe that the sooner the off-world colony gets established and applies for statehood, the sooner the usefulness of the signs will be demonstrated, and also, the sooner Hardcorey can be returned to her appropriate environment. And then your paper won’t have to run any ugly headlines about bounty hunter Rick Deckard having a run-in with her, which, as you can imagine, can only end in tears.
For it is sad when a replicant is retired, as happened with one of the six, a male, the demise of whom was caught by a bystander on her IPhone:
So I am not at all in favor of Bill Brinton’s campaign to eliminate electronic signs. How am I going to know that the off-world colony is ready to receive me? about my free android? about my android governor? A citizen needs to keep him or herself informed, and taking down the electronic billboards will not contribute one iota to an educated citizenry.
August’s List: Recently published music videos, edited by Farinelli. Watch & listen
Smart Ass Cripple: Expressing pain through sarcasm since 2010, by Mike Ervin. Read
Panned Review: Film reviews by Jacob Lusk. Read
Calvin’s Story: Epilepsy & beyond: a mother’s journal, by Christy Shake. Read
Maggie World, Normalizing the abnormal, by Sally Coghlan McDonald. Read
On the Blink: Considering how my light is spent, by Emily Michael. Read