MONDAY, 6/17/13, #120
We don’t need no libraries: It was as though a flash of lightning illuminated the sky. Yesterday I read on your paper’s front page that, because of budget cuts, six library branches may close in Jaxonpool (Maxville, Brentwood, San Marco, Willowbranch, University Park, and Beaches). And the downtown branch’s hours will be cut back. No sooner had this news crossed my imagination than I became convinced of its goodness.
People read too much. The books have nothing to say. They’re all about people who never existed. The people who read them, it makes them unhappy with their own lives, makes them want to live in other ways that can never really be.
Look at the top ten cities in the U.S. for literacy: Seattle, Washington DC, Minneapolis, Pittsburgh, Atlanta, Portland, St. Paul, Boston, Cincinnati, and Denver. One hears nothing but the wailing and gnashing of teeth!
Compare this list to that of the least literate cities: El Paso, Corpus Christi, Long Beach CA, Detroit, San Antonio, Santa Ana CA, Memphis, Jaxonpool, Fresno, Toledo. These are the places where the happiest people dwell. How do I know? Because I live in one of them. I live in one of the lowest taxed cities in one of the lowest taxed states in one of the lowest taxed countries among the advanced, industrialized nations. That’s how I define happiness.
My teachers once forced me to read two books, Orwell’s 1984 and Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451.
Being forced to read them, how I thrilled to the idea of burning them! Burn, baby! Burn!
As a predictor of the future, Bradbury turned out to be far more prophetic than Orwell.
So, I suggest we take the six closed branches and turn them into incineration stations. It’d be like Sheriff Rutherford’s Gun Buy Back program. People could bring in their books, get a little money, and watch them burn.
To ignite the books, we can’t count on flashes of lightning like the ones that streak through my brain. At the former library branches, specially designated firemen and women will torch them.
An even happier people will we Jaxonpudlians be. Perhaps then we can compete with El Paso for the title of least literate city.
August’s List: Recently published music videos, edited by Farinelli. Watch & listen
Smart Ass Cripple: Expressing pain through sarcasm since 2010, by Mike Ervin. Read.
Panned Review: Film reviews by Jacob Lusk. Read
Calvin’s Story: Epilepsy & beyond: a mother’s journal, by Christy Shake. Read
Maggie World, Normalizing the abnormal, by Sally Coghlan McDonald. Read
On the Blink: Considering how my light is spent, by Emily Michael. Read