TUESDAY, 1/3/12, Issue 16
Where have all the patrol cars gone? I am writing in support of Ron Littlepage’s editorial (“A few bucks for take-home cars,” 12.25.11) suggesting Sheriff Rutherford stop allowing JSO officers to take their patrol cars home for free. Citizens have been wanting to know where all the patrol cars have gone. This ubi sunt theme has been most pronounced with regard to one vehicle in particular,
Jaxonpudlians would almost seem wistful about it, if they weren’t so angry. They are upset because patrol cars have been spotted doing odd things that don’t seem very policey. One caller spotted a police vehicle with its motor idling for over an hour in a fast food parking lot—with no donut shop in sight. Another reported seeing one with a Christmas tree tied on top. And there was a sighting of a squad car and on the roof was a white tailed buck. However, no one has complained of a live dog strapped to the roof, though this may change as the practice becomes more popular:
And some have been seen in faraway places, which, for Jaxonpudlians, means pretty much anything beyond the county line. In this clip, a patrol car sustained damage when it left the county. This is the strongest argument yet for why patrol cars should not be allowed to cross into Baker County:
Some patrol car been quite assertive about traveling afar. Recently several were seen in Utah approaching the Colorado state line:
Others have been spotted far afield engaging in risky behavior:
Still others have left the country entirely and have been putting on airs, pretending to be something they are not, like Lambourghinis:
And some had the misfortune to encounter Wayne Szalinksi, the inventor in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids:
I am sorry to report that one was even spotted taking part in a street protest:
This is outrageous that a police officer would use a taxpayer-funded vehicle to express his political opinions. No doubt it was Nelson Cuba.
In any case, the dull-witted reader might miss the real implication of this issue. As I see it, the issue is this: why should the practice of take-home patrol cars be limited to police officers? Why are THEY the only ones who get to have one? What about us!?! What about me!?! Now and then I would like to take one home. I wouldn’t abuse it. I wouldn’t take it to Utah or Macclenny, and I definitely wouldn’t take it to a protest. I wouldn’t even turn on the siren. And I would be willing to pay a few bucks, as Mr. Littlepage suggests.
So, I am waiting for my patrol car. Please? Car 54 in particular.
August’s List: Recently published music videos, edited by Farinelli. Watch & listen