THURSDAY, 12/1/11, Issue 3
@Jaxonpool _______
Antichrist buys Jags: The firing of Jack del Rio was merely a harbinger of the insidious evil to come.
In the Book of Daniel (7:24), the text reads: “The ten horns are ten kings who shall arise from (out of) this kingdom (the Roman Empire), And another shall rise after them, he (the Antichrist) shall be different from the first ones, and shall subdue three kings (or nations) . . . .” Hence, the end begins. The apocalypse has come.
Let us remain calm as we consider the sports news of 30 November, 2011: A dark-skinned man with an arm growing out of his head, born in a faraway place, and with irrational religious beliefs is purchasing the Jaxonpool Jaguars. Callers to the Pete Prisco Show on AM 930 THE FOX radio rightly voiced their opposition to such an oddly colored and configured individual buying their NFL team. “I won’t buy tickets anymore because I want a real American to own the team!” said one caller.
But is this not really just beating around the bush? Is not a dark-skinned foreigner with an arm growing out of his head an emblem of the Antichrist?
The new owner of the Jaguars (right) as pictured in the imagination of a number of Jaxonpudlians
The antichrist is one who mimics the savior (he will save the team) but who fulfills apocalyptic Biblical prophecies, like the one in Revelations about the Jaguars relocating to Los Angeles. As all antichrists do, this one will seemingly provide for the needs of the people (keeping the franchise in Jaxonpool) but deny them ultimate salvation, namely, a Jaxonpool team actually making it to the Super Bowl.
Moreover, what kind of filth will this Antichrist import into River City? Jaguar souvenirs with satanic images? Five pointed stars within circles at Everbank? The ‘6-6-6’ ticket special?
The real point is, if there’s going to be a franchise where grown men bang each others’ heads into premature senility, shouldn’t it be owned by a good Christian?
Tim Tebow will never play for Jaxonpool now! (But nor will Andrew Luck)
Sincerely,
Lemule Blogiver
Step aside, old Antichrist; there’s always room for the new.
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August’s List: Recently published music videos, edited by Farinelli. Watch & listen
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Smart Ass Cripple: Expressing pain through sarcasm since 2010, by Mike Ervin. Read.
Panned Review: Film reviews by Jacob Lusk. Read
Calvin’s Story: Epilepsy & beyond: a mother’s journal, by Christy Shake. Read
Maggie World, Normalizing the abnormal, by Sally Coghlan McDonald. Read
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On the Blink: Considering how my light is spent, by Emily Michael. Read
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