12/7/13, No. 85

Jaxonpool _______

LB_red%22Dear%22It’s only by being hard nosed that you can show you’re not weak. Try it and see. Take a tough stand, and everybody’ll leave you alone. It shows them you’re not someone to be messed with. That you’re nobody’s fool. And that’s me—nobody’s fool. Allow me to demonstrate why I’m not a fool. I’ll use my smartphone to help me prove it.


Apple Store, Town Center

In an earlier letter I told you about my ex-wife, Penelope, the one that took the guns and the dogs with her when she left. The reason why she left—I didn’t tell you this part earlier—was because she was becoming 100% illogical and irritable, harsh-tempered and overbearing: a real b—-.

When I tried to explain to her that she was being very annoying, she said it wasn’t her, but me, that I was the annoying one.


Can you imagine? So immature. Sounds like a child, doesn’t it? Just shows how irrational she was becoming. We went around and around about this. Then I read a “Netiquette” article on CNN Tech: Document your life on video

So, I thought, I’ll settle this once and for all. I’ll prove to her she’s the one who’s annoying.


At the Apple Store in the St. Johns Town Center I purchased an iPhone 5. When I got home, I turned on the camera and starting filming her. During conversations, mainly. But sometimes I’d just follow her around.


iMovie canvas

I captured her worst moments. “This’ll make my case,” I chuckled to myself.



Next I used iMovie to format the clips into a YouTube video. Then I uploaded it. It was SO easy!



The video was like reverse porn—all the stuff in a relationship you don’t want to see. But she wouldn’t even watch it—to see I was right. She just packed up and left.



Good riddance, I say. I do miss the dogs and guns though.

Haven’t I made my point? I have so many of them. And I’m going to keep making them. And if you don’t listen, I’ll get my smartphone out, turn on my camera, and post the video on YouTube. It’ll show everyone in the world how irrational you’re being by not listening to me. I’m warning you: it could go viral.

By now I think I have sufficiently demonstrated that I am no fool. And my smartphone has helped me prove it.

Lemule Blogiver


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