SUNDAY, 9/30/12, Issue 64
Silly Bandz must never die! Thanks, Latitude 30. Thanks a whole lot. Thanks for nothing. Now my dream has been shot down. My dream of using the old Haydon Burns Library to establish a Silly Bandz Museum. We need this museum. Silly Bandz are quickly disappearing. Soon they will fade into oblivion. It will be as though they never existed. And after they are gone, duct tape will prevail. And common sense will be forgotten.
Jax 2025 and Professor Harold Hill have been trying to find a way to distinguish Jaxonpool, to give it an identity, to make it a destination. But it was me who came up with a solution. Our city, Rio on the River, should serve as the home of the only museum in the nation given over to Silly Bandz.
A building as spacious as the Haydon Burns easily could have accommodated a number of display areas of considerable dimensions. There was to be a gallery displaying Silly Bandz in all of their colors and morphologies. There was to be a space devoted their history, exhibiting the styles and shapes by chronological release date. There was to be a room where children could touch them, like animals in a petting zoo. There was to be an area containing dioramas of Silly Bandz in their natural habitats. There was to be a replica of the manufacturing process. There was to be a library. There was to be a theater and lecture hall. There was to be a Hello Kitty Annex, a rough out for the future Rainbow Loom memorial, and small memorials where people could take a moment to remember Silly Putty and Flubber. Plans included a Silly Bandz repair shop, restaurant and coffee bar, gift shop, and bookstore. There was even talk of a spa.
So it broke my heart when I read yesterday’s headline: the terrible truth dawned upon me: Latitude 30 signs letter of intent for Haydon Burns library
So my first thought was, who or what is Latitude 30? A little research produced this video about these nefarious opportunists..
Now, tell me honestly, Mr. Editor, would you want to see these grubby commercial sleezebags turn our downtown into a sordid entertainment district? A zone for mindless amusement? Would you not rather see a prime piece of downtown real estate devoted to edification of the public? To teaching and maintaining our cultural history?
After all, this is heritage, not hate..
What did Silly Bandz mean back before they began to fade? They often proved to be a unifying force for our people:
They symbolized solidarity, the idea of all hands coming together in the Silly Bandz fist bump:
Sometimes they served as signs of political resistance, as when Big Brother school principals say, “No to Silly Bandz.”
Though not recommended on the package, Silly Bands even provided nourishment:
Without a museum to serve as a repository of this cultural history, moments from the past such as those depicted in the following two videos will be lost to the mists of time:
Once Silly Bandz disappear, and no museum exists to commemorate them, duct tape will take over. What then? What will the world look like..
With duct tape becoming the rage, people will lose their common sense and start doing ridiculous things:
Things quickly will deteriorate:
With duct tape, gay marriage will become the least of our worries:
So, now, do you see the problem? Do you sense the danger? Do you see why a Silly Bandz Museum in the Haydon Burns absolutely is a must? It is needed not just so that Jaxonpool will attract tourists. It is needed to help everyone remember that Silly Bandz once existed. And it is needed to remind people what the world once looked like, back when Silly Bandz, and common sense, prevailed.
But then again, maybe we could always have a Duct Tape Museum. There’s still the old courthouse..
August’s List: Recently published music videos, edited by Farinelli. Watch & listen
Smart Ass Cripple: Expressing pain through sarcasm since 2010, by Mike Ervin. Read
Panned Review: Film reviews by Jacob Lusk. Read
Calvin’s Story: Epilepsy & beyond: a mother’s journal, by Christy Shake. Read
Maggie World, Normalizing the abnormal, by Sally Coghlan McDonald. Read
On the Blink: Considering how my light is spent, by Emily Michael. Read