6/15/12, No. 44
Dead man voting: Bear with me; my heart is nearly broke for Governor Rick Scott, who was almost purged to death by Collier County election officials in 2006. I am overcome with emotion over his near-death experience. Sob!
Readeth here the story of how the governor came close to being purged to death: Florida voters roll listed Gov. Rick Scott as dead in 2006
p living[pause; dry my eyes; collect myself; take inspiration from Marlon Brando]
Click here to watch Marlon Brando as Mark Antony
Friends, Florideans, countrymen: lend me your ears. I come not to praise Caesar, er, . . . I mean Scott, but to unbury him. Though there be no funeral (for he is not dead), I come to speak anyway. His enemies have found it difficult to keep him buried, for he hath shaken off the mortal coil.
The evil men do lives after them. The good is oft interred with their bones. The noble Wikipedia and Tampa Bay Times hath told you Scott was ambitious. If it were so, it would be a grievous fault. But (fortunately) Scott hath not answer’d for it. Nor regarding it doth he appear to dread anything after death, the undiscovered Country, from whose bourn no traveller returns. And certainly conscience hath made no coward of him.
Men need not undergo death for their evil to live on. In fact, if they be not yet dead, they should at least be disinterred. So they may relish their evil.
Scott is an honorable man. Whether Collier County election officials assumed he was dead, or whether they assumed he must be a felon, or whether they assumed he was politically dead because he was a quasi felon, they assumed wrong! His life and voting rights immediately were restored. OF no coroner’s death certificate hath he fallen prey! OF no crime hath he been charged! OF no felony offense hath he been convicted! No taint of guilt from the Columbia/HCA scandal clings to him! Scott is an honourable man. So are they all, all honorable men.
About this scandal, the noble Wikipedia hath told you Scott was ambitious. If it were so, it would be a grievous fault. Sayeth Wikipedia:
On March 19, 1997, investigators from the FBI, the Internal Revenue Service and the Department of Health and Human Services served search warrants at Columbia/HCA facilities in El Paso and on dozens of doctors with suspected ties to the company. Following the raids, the Columbia/HCA board of directors forced Scott to resign as Chairman and CEO.
The noble Wikipedia and Tampa Bay Times sayeth Scott was ambitious; and Wikipedia and Tampa Bay Times are honorable sources. Wikipedia and Tampa Bay Times sayeth Columbia/HCA under his leadership defrauded the federal government of hundreds of millions of dollars and ultimately admitted to fourteen felonies. Wikipedia and Tampa Bay Times further explaineth that this is the biggest case of Medicare fraud ever. Marc Caputo and Scott Hiaasen in the Tampa Bay Times writeth:
In the end, Columbia/HCA paid a record $1.7 billion in fines and pleaded guilty to 14 felony charges for a variety of transgressions. About $30 million in fines stemmed from illegal payments to doctors, a practice federal investigators traced back to El Paso, where Scott and a partner began Columbia in 1987 with the purchase of two distressed hospitals.
You Tube provideth his legal deposition:.
I speak now not to disprove what Wikipedia and Tampa Bay Times speak, for they are honorable sources. I am here now only to speak what I do know. Scott is my friend, faithful and just to me. But Wikipedia and Tampa Bay Times sayeth he is ambitious; and Wikipedia and Tampa Bay Times are honourable sources. Scott hath brought companies home to Florida, whose taxes do the general coffers fill. Does this in Scott seem ambitious? When the poor cry, Scott weeps too: ambition should be made of sterner stuff. Yet Wikipedia and Tampa Bay Times sayeth he is ambitious, and these are honorable sources.
I should do Wikipedia and Tampa Bay Times wrong were I to say that what they reporteth be not true. But these are honorable sources, though they both wrong a man by talking about his squalid past. My heart is with Scott, who nearly died at the hands of a Collier County election official.
I must pause till my heart come back to me.
It is not necessary you know how much Scott loves all Florideans, but only that you know he is an honorable man. You are not wood, you are not stones, but human beings! And, being such, hearing how much he loves you will inflame you. It will make you mad. So be glad that an election official in Collier County was wrong, that Scott is not dead and is not, at least technically, a felon. Take heart that he is alive, that he lives unrestrained by prison walls, and that he can vote!
For Scott is an honorable man. So are they all, all honorable men..