SUNDAY, 8/13/12, Issue 57
Around midnight for the last few weeks it’s been like that, waiting for the Olympics to be over so I can listen to my favorite sportscaster, Dan Hicken. Then, there it was, scurrying across my floor like Usain Bolt. Since I was barefoot, I couldn’t step on it. And there was nothing else handy. So I hurried over and gently dropped the IPad on it. The back, not the screen. KasplaLT! Success! It was like winning a medal. Or, better, going into battle. Which is what I’d been doing on the IPad. .And that’s what my man Hicken did, went toe-to-toe with Bob Costas.
Who is Dan Hicken, you ask? Just the best sportscaster there is! He’s the sports director and weeknight sports anchor for First Coast News on WTLV/WJXX in Jaxonpool. How could you NOT know that! Where have you been? I guess, Mr. Editor, that you must be new to Rio on the River.
There he was on TV, THE MAN! Letting Costas know who’s boss! Going man-to-man! Hand-to-hand. Mano-a-mano. Mouth-to-mouth! Perhaps you have read about their verbal fisticuffs? Anderson Cooper puts Dan Hicken’s on-air rant against Bob Costas on ‘Ridiculist’
Hicken should have won a medal for this!
But then CNN anchor Anderson Cooper piped in about it.
Cooper butting in: “In fact, a good rule of television, pipe down and love anyone who’s giving you a lead-in full of the ‘Fab 5’ gymnasts and Michael Phelps. Because take it from someone who’s interviewed Phelps twice for 60 Minutes, America can’t get enough of Michael Phelps.”.
Some people like Cooper don’t get Hicken. This other guy doesn’t get him either: .
Some people can’t comprehend the pain Hicken has had to endure in order to get where he is today. Like having had to be married to Donna Hicken, I mean Deegan. And then watching his colleague Tim Deegan swoop in and take her. It was like Mick Jagger stealing Jerry Hall from Bryan Ferry.
And then, having to continue working with the two of them all these years, and on TV! For all to see. Sad, really. My heart goes out. Heart breaking!
But my heart doesn’t break for cockroaches. I have no sympathy for them. That’s because I’m a very complex person. The little scurrying bugger had it coming. Look what he did to my IPad. It stopped working after that. That’s why you can’t have cockroaches in the house..
Without a working IPad, I can’t finish my game of “Six Days in Fallujah.” What am I to do now?