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@Jaxonpool  • Boone Park & Cool Homes of Avondale • Daniel Wilson, Memoryhouse, The Zolas • Monday, 5/9/2020, #589 •

Warning: NSFW

violent_crawleyJaxonpool News with Violent Crawley: After a grueling and hard-fought campaign, Howard Stern has beaten out rivals Kanje West and Jerry Springer to secure the Democratic Party nomination for president. He will challenge the incumbent, President Donald Trump, in the upcoming November 2020 election.

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Loser

“Kanje and Jerry are going to have to grovel,” said the triumphant Stern during his Sirius XM Radio program, The Howard Stern Show. “They’re going to have to kiss my sweat-smelling presidential ass if they want to join my cabinet. In fact, we’ll broadcast it. We’ll broadcast it live. On video stream. They’ll have to come into the studio and I’ll moon ’em. They’ll have to get down on their knees and crawl to my backside and ‘kiss the ring,’ so to speak. There’ll never be live stream like it! It’ll be even better than that chick we broadcast sitting on a sybian.”

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Loser

Asked if this was an appropriate way for a presidential hopeful to behave or speak, Stern responded, “After four years of Donald Trump, you’re sh*tten me, right? So shut the f*ck up!”

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Winner

Another questioner asked, “The Democratic Party is badly fractured after this bruising primary fight with West and Springer. How are you going to reunite party?” Stern replied, “Kanje West is a pussy! Jerry Springer is a pussy! But do you know who’s the biggest pussy of all? DONALD TRUMP! The thought of me making Trump my bitch will unify the party.”

“It’s our country now!” shouted Stern, responding to no question in particular. “So f*ck the f*cking sh*t out of all of you who aren’t with us. If you’re not on our side, f*ck you! Who the f*ck needs pussies that don’t join our bandwagon. Line up behind me, pussy-faced cock sucker, or I’ll settle matters with you after I’m president.”

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Jacksonville History — Cool Homes of Avondale, Boone Park, Finding The Balance, from The Jax Left, May 7  ⇓

ALT LINK: Avondale

Music from August’s List: Daniel Wilson, Memoryhouse, Pure Bathing Culture, The Zolas, Billie Marten, Walk Off the Earth ⇓

ALT LINK . . . AUGUST’S LIST SELECTION

pic4 copyAugust’s List: Music videos uploaded within the previous two weeks. Watch & listen

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panned“‘Green Room’ Asks the Question: How Will Today’s 20-Somethings Fare in a Horror Movie Crisis?” (April 30). Panned Review, by Jacob Lusk. Film reviews by a Jacksonville movie-reviewing fiend and English teacher. Read

crip2New: “How to Recognize Missionary Love” (May 8). Smart Ass Cripple, by Mike Ervin. Expressing pain through sarcasm since 2010. Voted the World’s Biggest Smart Ass by J.D. Power and Associates. Read

calvinsstory“Back to the classroom” (May 3). Calvin’s Story, by Christy Shake. Epilepsy & beyond: a mother’s journal. A mother’s journal of the anguish, grief, joy, and triumph shared with her chronically ill son. Christy and Calvin live in Maine. Read

MaggieWorld“Out of balance” (April 29). Maggie World, by Sally Coghlan McDonald. Normalizing the abnormal.   Read

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OnTheBlink“Mosaics Poet Profiles: Elizabeth S. Wolf” (May 5) On the Blink, by Emily Michael. Considering how my light is spent. Blog posts, music reviews, and published articles from a blind writer, musician, and Jacksonville English instructor. Read

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Eat poems1 copyWhat Happens, by Tiffany Melanson, is currently available at Eat Words and on iTunes. It is part of a series of audio chapbooks focusing on northeast Florida poets. Read more about the series here. Your purchases through iTunes make future albums in the EAT series possible. This one was made possible in part by the support of the English Department of the University of North Florida. Contact: Mark Ari <mari@unf.edu>

p1 copy The Talon Review: Clawing at Craft (Fall, 2015). Stories and poems by Katie Cavanaugh, Alice Shinkos, Leonard Owens III,Jacquelyn Meisburg, Phillip Wenturine, Alonzo Byas, Richard Sell, Trevor Walsh, Gina Olson, Catherine Tatem, Stuart Dybek / Tyler Norris, Cassie Hottenstein, Sarah Boyko, Andres Fernandez-Morrell; The Talon Review
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areyou

Mudlark, edited by Dr. William Slaughter. This is an electronic journal of poetry and poetics. Dr. Slaughter is Professor Emeritus of UNF’s English department. Read

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