Tinderella: A modern fairy tale

SUN-MON, 2/2-3/14, 297

Jaxonpool _______

Tinderella: A modern fairy tale, from College Humor. Pub. Jan. 29

Ready for my close-up: Stop signs and red lights infringe on personal liberty. However, because getting rid of them would be impossible, the next best thing is to make them unworkable.

Red-light cameras have been installed all over Jaxonpool. Now though Matt Dixon at the Times-Union writes that the company supplying and maintaining them is accused of buying influence: Company behind Jaxonpool’s red-light cameras accused of bribing officials I am shocked! Shocked! Still, I’m in favor of the cameras because they provide a stealth strategy for eliminating red lights and stop signs altogether.

Here’s how this stealth strategy works. Like the instant replay, the logic of the red-light cam is that it provides definitive proof. By comparison, everything else falls short. Everything else is just subjective. The refs miss stuff on the field, and so do the cops. Imagine what would happen if WE THE PEOPLE were to insist on cams being installed at every intersection, even the ones with only stop signs? I mean, absolutely everywhere that one road meets another.

street sign showing a stop light and the words "Photo enforced"

Good for target practice

Let’s say no cam captured your car rolling through the Stop. Then it must’ve never happened. There’s no proof. What if a cop says he saw it happen? It’s just his word. His word against yours. Without a cam, his word’ll no longer be good enough. Not anymore. Not when there should’ve been a cam at the intersection. In fact, you’ll be able to claim the city was negligent by not installing one. There’ll be no end to the traffic citations you’ll be able to challenge. You’ll be able to say, ‘If the infraction wasn’t filmed, it must’ve never occurred.’ And then we’ll be able to take the slogan “Question Authority” to a whole new level. No Footage, No Proof, that’ll be our rallying cry!

Sheriff John Rutherford, the red-light mastermind, pressed hard for them. He wanted Big Brother’s prying eyes on us at just a few intersections. But when WE THE PEOPLE get through demanding video proof for absolutely everything that happens, at every damn intersection, every junction—even the ones where only two dirt roads cross—he’ll rue the day. When we get through with him, he’ll have to have thousands and thousands of lackeys sitting behind consoles, monitoring every damned place where two roads come together. It’ll bankrupt the son of a bitch.

Unfortunately, my TEA Party allies have not yet realized all of the opportunities for rebellion the red-light cameras afford. Opportunities such as clogging up the court system. So, my Gadsden-Flag-loving friends, put those protest signs away! Yes, red-light cameras are treason. But choose a different path of resistance. Throw your bodies on the gears of the machine! Demand that every last thing be captured, or else claim it never happened. Turn George Orwell on his head: no cam, no reality. Grind the the liberal machine to a halt. Force the bastards to prove everything with video. Absolutely everything!

The possibilities are limitless. Let’s ponder an example. Say, you commit murder. No cam recorded it? There’s no footage? Then you must’ve not done it. What if eye witnesses come forward and claim they saw you do it? Eye witnesses can’t be trusted. They’re subjective. They’re like the NFL refs. It’s their word against yours. Without footage, no real evidence exists that you committed the crime. So there can be no conviction. Then you must be found “Not guilty!” Voilà! You go free!

There’ll be no end to the rights WE THE PEOPLE will be able to claim—the things we’ll be able to do—so long as nobody films us. So let’s bring the liberal bastards to their knees! No Footage, No Proof, our new motto and rallying cry.

As I said earlier, the stop sign and red light limit freedom. The Sociopath’s Manifesto says so. Getting rid of them would be impossible, but I have a plan ….

Sincerely,
Lemule Blogiver
_______________

August’s List: Recently published music videos, edited by Farinelli. Watch & listen