THURSDAY, 8/8/13, Issue 171
Parthenon coming to Shipyards. Acknowledging the need to do something irrational, the city council last night approved funds for purchasing the Parthenon from Greece. “Sometimes you have to be impractical to be practical,” said a city councilwoman who preferred to speak off record. The funds will be used to disassemble the ancient ruin, ship it across the Atlantic, and reassemble it on the currently vacant downtown Shipyards property on E. Bay Street near EverBank Field.
The next item up for a council vote is the allocation of funds for the world’s largest scoreboard at EverBank Field.
After the vote last night, councilman Richard Clark was heard saying, “the last thing a tourist wants to see is something common sensical. There won’t be any of that in our new tourist attraction.”
Ever since April 18, when the Business Journal ran an article querying the public concerning what to do with the scenic waterfront property, suggestions have been pouring in (Got an idea to activate Downtown’s Shipyards? The city wants to hear it). The proposals overwhelming favored doing something wildly impractical.
Councilwoman Lori Boyer is believed to have embraced the need to be illogical. “In 1963, St. Louis began building the Gateway Arch. The Arch made no sense. For that city to do the same thing in today’s dollars would cost $94 million. It was a boondoggle of spectacular proportions.”
“The attractions that set cities apart,” councilwoman Denise Lee is understood to have said, “are always outlandish, expensive, and unnecessary. That’s why people want to see them. La Sacrada Familia, the Transamerica Building, the Taj Mahal, the Eiffel Tower, the Space Needle, the Guggenheim in Bilbao, the Blue Mosque—not one of these was necessary, at least not on the scale they were built.”
“Take St. Peter’s Basilica,” Lee is thought to have continued. “All the practical functions that take place there could be done in a warehouse. Who really needs the statues and marble. An empty Wallmart would do. A roof over their heads to stay dry and a place to sit—that’s all they’d really need. But who’d travel to see it?”
“Relocating the Parthenon to Jaxonpool is lunacy,” Mayor Alvin Brown is reported to have said. “Utter and sheer lunacy. And that’s why I support the project. People will come to our city just to witness the insanity for themselves.”
The only dissenting council voice came from Clay Yarborough, who argued for a single-story strip mall to be built on the Shipyards site. It would to be occupied by a nail salon, a bail bondsman, and a Denny’s. “Obviously I’m the only adult in this room,” he said, referring to the city council chamber.
Greek authorities have agreed to complete the transaction, though they are reluctant. About the pending sell off of the city’s most treasured asset, Athenians were seen weeping in the streets. The Mediterranean nation’s Prime Minister Antonis Samaras is understood to have conceded that “beggars can’t be choosers.”
Initially, the council inquired into purchasing the London Bridge, but discovered that Lake Havasu City, AZ, beat them to it 45 years ago.
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August’s List, by Farinelli. Not so easy listening. Music videos published in the last two weeks. Alternative, Americana, cosmic, dance-pop, dream pop, electropunk, experimental, folk, indie, lo-fi, noise, post punk, nu-gaze, psyche pop, shoegaze, synthpop, trip hop, etc. Watch & listen
Smart Ass Cripple, by Mike Ervin. Expressing pain through sarcasm since 2010. Voted the World’s Biggest Smart Ass by J.D. Power and Associates. Read
Panned Review, by Jacob Lusk. Film reviews by a Jacksonville movie-reviewing fiend and English teacher. Read
Calvin’s Story, by Christy Shake. Epilepsy & beyond: a mother’s journal. A mother’s journal of the anguish, grief, joy, and triumph shared with her chronically ill son. Christy and Calvin live in Maine. Read
Maggie World, by Sally Coghlan McDonald. Normalizing the abnormal. A mother sharing her experiences raising my disabled daughter and navigating, advocating and dealing with the system. [Although Maggie passed away in 2014, her mother continues to write. She lives in San Francisco.] Read
On the Blink, by Emily Michael. Considering how my light is spent. Blog posts, music reviews, and published articles from a blind writer, musician, and UNF English instructor. Readanization promoting progressive values through online organizing, media outreach, and networking with Florida’s leading progressive organizations. Read