FRIDAY, 5/3/13, Issue 82

@Jaxonpool _______

weatherly_leadTwo days ago it was bright and warm. Today it’s grey and chilly; flash-flood warnings abound. In the face of recent occurrences of weather in their area, Jaxonpudlians have been tense and alert..

“I went outside in shorts and had to go back in and put on jeans,” one local woman wistfully stated. “I guess I should have checked the forecast before I left the house.”

Weather woman forecasting 67% chance of end of the world.

Weather woman forecasting 67% chance of end of the world. 

But the stress of choosing weather-appropriate outfits is the least of the inconveniences and dangers locals have been facing. When rain clouds began to build yesterday in the early afternoon, one Riverside office began battening down its hatches and preparing for an all-too-familiar situation: parking lot flooding. In the past, the employees at the Generic Business Office (GBO) office, located on Park Street, have fallen prey to poor drainage and wet shoes. Weather is the number one cause of sloshy mishaps, and this week’s capricious meteorological phenomena is turning out to be no exception.

man with cap and blue shirt outside

Area man gets a few raindrops on his shirt while standing by trash can.

Friday afternoon the report came in: “This parking lot is sorta, tilted towards the middle, see? And the sewer gets blocked with leaves and stuff that fall out of that tree,” noted GBO office receptionist Missy Ficient, gesturing towards an inadequate metal grate now forming the east bank of an ankle-deep lake of sock-soaking liquid. Ficient had had to navigate the obstacle-course of puddles separating the sidewalk and her car. “I was wearing my favorite Nine West leather heels,” she complained, “and now the toes have water spots that I’m not going to be able to get off. That’s a perfectly good pair of comfortable, work appropriate shoes ruined.”

Local meteorologists speculate this sudden increase of precipitation and cloud cover is due to a storm, but thus far they have been unable to find a way to stop the rain itself.

Weather reporter Tim Deegan

Weather reporter Tim Deegan

Even Tim Deegan was able to accurately predict rainfall.

Until a solution is found, experts recommend that Jaxonpudlians take these precautions to ensure safety:

  • Avoid areas that could classify as ‘outside’, as these may not have a roof or sufficient covering. Exposure may result in wetness.
  • Do not wear a white shirt and a dark colored bra. Increased rainfall in your area may mean increased risk of transparency.
  • Remember that pets and small children leaving the house may return smelling like ‘wet dog.’
  • Avoid driving activities that could result in an accident due to decreased visibility and slippery roadways. Such activities include speeding, tailgating, and accelerating through yellow lights, regardless of whether red-light cameras are present.
Tsunami hazard zone sign

Tsunami hazard zone sign

Most importantly, Jaxonpudlians must remember this rule: outrun tsunamis!


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