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WEDNESDAY, 12/28/11, #15

@Jaxonpool _______

LB_red%22Dear%22Civil War terminus:   Guess what!  The candidates remaining in the race for the presidential nomination of the Only Party There Is will debate one another the evening of January 26th right here in Rio on the River at the University of North Florida’s Lazzara Hall.  Hooray!

Bonfire of the vanities

Herman Cain may make a special guest appearance.  (I had to scrape the “Honkies for Herman” sticker off my bumper.)  Sir Mitt Romulus will be there.  The liberal maggots will be in hiding.  The Tea Party will be out in force.  The Tea Partiers and I will wave our flag:

More than four million people around the world are expected to watch the CNN-sponsored debate.  Questioning the candidates will be Simon Cowell, Ellen DeGeneres, and Kara DioGuardi, who are all available.  The expected topics will be: giving guns to toddlers, incinerating tree huggers, and taking secession to the next level.  During the proceedings, the Tea Party flag will begin its metamorphosis:

The secession topic was suggested by our Neo-Confederate hero, Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi, of The Only Party There Is, who one year ago said she supports the idea of amending the U.S. Constitution to let states overturn federal laws.

“With a rebel yell, she cried ‘More! More! More!'”.

Bondi has joined with other Neo-Confederate leaders in Florida and other states that have formed a coalition to support a proposed “repeal amendment” allowing two-thirds of the state to repeal federal laws.

When asked at a news conference whether the states rights issue had already been settled, Bondi said that—in her legal view—the Civil War was “wrongly decided.”  “The north with its liberal activist army, led by the most radical of all our presidents, imposed a mistaken vision on the nation.  We want a Mulligan!”  She allegedly advised the liberal maggot media to go back and re-evaluate the historical sources, such as the film Gone with the Wind.

Sensing that the the word secession is sensitive for those in The Only Party There Is, the Neo-Confederate candidates of the party of Abraham Lincoln avoid the term.  Inspired by the 1991 breakup of the Soviet Union, they stand for a breakup (in all but name only) of the United States of America.  This time, instead of just eleven states seceding from the union, all fifty states will secede from each other.  Believing they must destroy the nation in order to save it, they are working toward a big bang breakup!

Let’s review a little history:

The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics,1950

.

The Roman Empire, 117 AD

.

The British Empire, 1920s

.

Austria-Hungary, 1914

.

The Ottoman Empire, 1914

.

Pangaea, 200,000,000 BC

We’re up next!

Sí, se puede!

Whoever wins the presidential nomination will become our next president and will preside over the dissolution.  He or she will be our Gorbachev.  In all of the candidates’ view, the fifty states should remain a confederated entity with a single military.  Everything else will go: no IRS, Social Security, Medicare or Medicaid, Dept. of Education, Dept. of Health and Human Services, EPA, and . . . darn . . . I can’t recall the rest.  Oops!  And that will be it—a single military will be the only thing we have in common.

E pluribus unum = the Marines.

However, one candidate from Lincoln’s party has eschewed this stealth strategy by raising the topic openly.

Texas Governor Rick Perry

Speaking to the group of tech bloggers, Perry addressed the 1836 founding of Texas, or was he talking to them about the founding of Texas in 1836?  In any case, Texans have a “different feeling about independence,” Perry told the group.  “When we came into the nation in 1845, we were a republic, we were a stand-alone nation,” said the governor.  “And one of the deals was, we can leave anytime we want.  So we’re kind of thinking about that again.”  Read more here

Back when Herman Cain was still in the race, he intimated that open references to the first effort to secede 150 years ago carry unpleasant racial overtones for blacks.  For the new confederates, The New Confederacy is solely about annihilating the federal government.  As Grover Norquist puts it, we “want to shrink it down to the size where we can drown it in the bathtub.”  For only when we have no government at all shall we be free.  Therefore, to make the new secession movement palatable to black voters, the colors of various African flags have been incorporated into the old confederate one.  The point is to unite all of us so that we can separate, forever.

“OId Glory”

Two choices now for “New Glory.”  Which do you prefer?  Let’s vote!

No. 1?

Or No. 2?

Because there will be no going back after November, 2012, please choose carefully:  you will have to live with one of them as our nation’s flag for the rest of your life.

Let the voting begin.

Don’t you think Lincoln would be proud?

Your interlocutor,
Lemule Blogiver

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